It’s almost Father’s Day. Since I did a Mother’s Day post for Goose, I’d like to do the same for my dear, old dad. (So, Big D… This one is for you.) I don’t have a book to review this time, but in order to communicate with him sometimes I feel like I need one.
A lot of times he uses made up words or speaks in a series of sayings that I, after having him as my pop for nearly 30 years, have grown to understand and yes, love. It’s constantly changing and new sayings are being added as time passes, so there’s always something new to learn. You’ll never be able to fully understand him as he is a very complex man, but consider this your tutorial on how to talk to Big D.
Snazz-Getter: a car that is really cool, sporty, and that you don’t know the name of (Read: One that is snazzy, aka “gets snazz”)
Pizzy-Weets: (pronounced “peezy wheats”) pizza
Cry me a handful: (Make sure you hold out a cupped hand for this.) that is not a real problem; suck it up.
Tube: someone who is lacking brainpower, like a tube; empty inside
All you can retain is water: another statement on brainpower
Little bit of a kook: a nutty person
Gross me out the door with a green Toyota: gross; ew; gross me out
Weeria: (pronounced “WEER-ree-uh”) weird
Benny and the Band-aids: a made up band, meant to poke fun at the bands of my generation and their ridiculous names
Who Shot Ruby in the Naval: a made up song by Benny and the Band-aids, meant to make fun of said ridiculous bands’ equally ridiculous lyrics
Press your hurry button: (to be said condescendingly to drivers in front of you, or to the driver of the car you are riding in) go faster, moron
Two words: mo, ron: moron
Let those who will, be clever: (Honestly, I have no idea…) be smart; make good decisions
No matter where you go, there you’ll be: (Again, no clue… This was something said to annoy me when dropping me off at school.) have a good day
Make good decisions: (This one is self-explanatory.)
I ‘blieve he left his lips at home today: statement on Jeff Blauser, former shortstop for Atlanta Braves (He had small lips.)
Stop walking like you’re followin’ a plow: please stop walking like a farmer
Sofa-Turtle: a person having a hunch back, who’s neck juts forward (i.e. me, when sitting and messing with my phone)
Yes, yes, uh-huh: mmhmmmm
Smoking Waiters: a group of friends that I had after college that at the time were all servers and almost all of them smoked
Isn’t that special: (from SNL’s skit with Dana Carvey, the church lady) that’s nice
Don’t hit poor, old Daddy: (to be said kind of like a southern Eeyore) please stop hitting me (For the record, I do not hit my dad, but my sister, who has CP, taps him very heartily and often and this is what he says to her when that happens.)
… When I’m dead and gone: (ugh, morbid) you’ll miss me one day; you’ll remember this one day; you’ll laugh at this one day; you’ll be thankful for this one day
I look like the wreck of the hespers: (I’m not even sure how to spell “hespers.”) I look a hot mess
We can’t. I’m broke as a haint: We can’t do that today because I don’t feel like spending the money on it.
Blllllllllll-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch: (This is a sound, not a saying. It’s a rolling of the tongue followed by the repetition of the sound “ch.”) hurry up
Mmm, I said. Mmm, I said. Mmm, say mmm, I said: (This is said rhythmically.) that’s what I said; because I said so
You can take that to bank. You can bank on that: (Always say both together, in either order.) and that’s a fact
And I mean that thang: and that’s a fact; I mean it
Let’s all have sawdust for brains, pick our nose, flip it up, see where it goes: made up lyrics to mock a Red Hot Chili Peppers song. (I think it was Aeroplane)
Eat your food, Boo: eat your food
Sweet Baby: honey, darling, sweetie (used for me, my sister, or Goose)
Well, La-aw: (said rhythmically and very southern) Well, Lord!
Tote the weary load: (from Gone with the Wind) walking slowly; taking ones time; moving without a sense of urgency
I don’t him from Adam’s house cat: I don’t know him from Adam; I don’t know that person
We’ll see: no
Don’t just go flappin’ through: walking/running clumsily with no regard for ones surroundings
Sadie, get off that mantle: When I was young, Sadie was our golden retriever, and he would say this knowing that I wasn’t asleep like I should be, so I would peak my head out of my room to see how in the world the dog got on the mantle. She was never there, and I was told “I knew you weren’t asleep. Go to bed.”
Hey, Scooter, wanna come with me: (This is reserved for my sister.) Wanna come with me somewhere?
You’re loved: I love you
Just as normal as he/she can be: usually referencing a friend of mine a celebrity in an interview, who presented themselves as a well-rounded, sane person
GLER-IOUS: (from My Father, the Hero) to describe a beautiful, full moon
It puts the lotion on its skin: (creep!) wear sunscreen
Desdemona: (reference to the character in Othello) a mopey teen who, like the character, enrages and disappoints her father
Coming in here like the last of the Mohicans: entering the house messy and muddy, as if from battle
Daddy loves you: I love you
I just think you’re too cool: you are a unique and gifted individual; I’m proud of you
You’re like a real person, only smaller: (only said to children) you just did something impressive and I can’t believe you are growing up so quickly
Old Mother Hubbarb went to the cupboard to get her poor daughter a dress. When she got there, the cupboard was bare… And so was her daughter, I guess.